Haylie in her Vans (and just in her Vans).
Haylie Noire
I should be used to those who are closest to me , or whom I’ve cared for the most to hath forsaken me by now … 😧 .. in a way I am. Every once in a while though, there’s that one person that walks away, and I still hurt. And it angers me that I allow it to hurt. I dunno, I’ll do what I do best. Dust myself off…. and move on
My relationship with my girlfriend is under severe duress, my daughter sent me a Father’s Day card telling me to pay my child support, and I may have to pack my belongings and move out tomorrow. ….. but, other than that, I suppose I’m good
I was hoping it would not have to come to this. I’ve been trying to avoid this moment so much. Honestly, this might crush me. But I can’t pretend anymore. This conversation is going to have to happen and I have a good idea what’s going to happen …. and I’m not going to like it ….. at all.
I’ve been best friends with the most amazing woman for the past 13 years. We were so awesome together . Too many wild drunken nights to remember. We had to take a break for several years. She got married. I have 2 daughters out of wedlock with my ex. She eventually got divorced. I separated with my ex. Seemed like a good time to meet up with my best friend again.
When we met up finally, it was electric right from the start. I gave her a huge hug. She greeted me with a kiss on the lips. I could tell I was going to be in for a most interesting weekend.
And what a day it was! We got back to her place and we talked ….. and talked …. brought out a bottle of Tequila and talked some more …. It was just soooooooo amazing to be back in her presence again.
Nightfall came and we went to a gorgeous restaurant/nightclub right along the Hudson River called Son Cubano overlooking the Manhattan skyline. We dined, we drank , we danced. It was absolutely amazing… just amazing.
We returned to her place. She nonchalantly tells me “Come on Fred, come to bed, I’m tired”. So we make our way to bed. We talk …. I put my arm around her torso. I can smell her. She smells her usual amazing self. I lose my inhibitions. I proceed to kiss her in the back of her neck and behind her ears. She too loses her inhibitions. We kiss, hands wander, I eventually find myself inside her. … the most incredible sex of my life ….. of. .. my. … life…
I’ve been visiting her at least once a month. She lives in NJ, I live in PA. We’ve been doing the long distance thing. Each visit things became more and more different. Not the same. Not like when we reunited in the summer. I address her on it after what was an awkward weekend in October … tells me that me and her aren’t going to happen. I’ll spare the specifics of that conversation other than the fact that they were hurtful. She told me that we will never ever be a couple. That after her bad marriage, she wants to remain single. I told her my feelings for her were very very real. She told me forget them. Forget them? ?!! …. I have felt this way for her for 13 years, bare my soul to her, and she tells me to forget them …… just wow.
I’ve been trying to follow her lead you know. She told me she isn’t looking for a relationship with anyone. That her marriage messed her up. That she wants to remain single and she’s meant to live alone. I told her that no one REALLY wants to be alone. She got defensive and insisted that she does. So I backed away … didn’t want to piss her off even more. For the past couple of months I have tried to rekindle the friendship we had before we slept together. It’s not working so well.
It’s all awkward now. She’s talking to a couple other guys and the conversations between us have become less and less frequent. And it just SUCKS. From what I understand she has become interested in one of these guys, after insisting that she didn’t want to be with anyone. I’ve been jealous, moody, sometimes I’ve been really sarcastic, almost to the point where I’m acting like a complete ass towards her. This is just not working anymore. …. it’s not working anymore. ….
Our bond is special ….. or rather, it was once special. But now, I don’t think I can do this anymore. I love her … I am absolutely head over heels in love with her. … and the feeling is not shared on the same level. I can’t keep doing this anymore. I think about her all the time. I have to put my foot forward just to have a conversation with her, otherwise we don’t have a conversation. I’m pouring 100% into this … she’s pouring in 30 … 40% at best. I can’t stop thinking about her when clearly, she’s not really thinking about me and it’s killing me. It is killing me inside…
It is time for me to tell her how I feel, and that I can’t chase after her like this anymore. I need a break from this total mind fuck that I am putting myself through. But I know her, she is fiery. Very spirited and impulsive. A 13 year bond is at stake here. But I fear. … I fear it is time to take a break… could be a few weeks. ..a few months. ..a few years. .. 13 years. ..or even never again. I should never have slept with my best friend and try to make it something it isn’t. I may be losing one of the finest persons I’ve ever came across.
Lesson learned …. if things are meant to be they will just be … don’t try to force it. NEVER, try to force it …..
I am as enamored with the human form (especially the female human form), as much as anybody. But if you’re some sick fuck that has child porn on your page, YOU DON’T KNOW ME, DON’T FOLLOW MY BLOG, DON’T RE-BLOG ANYTHING ON MY PAGE. I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
I happen to be a father. Child porn is not ok EVER. Let the kids be kids
For providing me with so much visual stimulation and inspiration. For the ½ dozen followers that I speak to. .. your ideas, thoughts, and inspiration put a smile on my face 😏
There is something very therapeutic about sitting in the dark and listening to RAMMSTEIN
Lots of new followers, notes and rebloggs today. Thank you all who takes the time to check out and enjoy my page. I’m very against the grain in a lot of ways and I use Tumblr as a way to come across and interact with like minded people. Thank you to all the faithful followers and hello to all the new ones. You know, in a way, you guys and girls kind of made my day today
